I have mentioned in other entries my battle with contentment—being fully satisfied with where God has me in this moment. Too many times I find myself reminiscing the past or dreaming up my future, but less often do I stop and let myself love the here and now. Something else that I may not have mentioned about myself before, is how easily I get attached to people and places. It started in Brazil: it only took 3 weeks for my 9 year old self to fall in love with the Freeman family and the Brazilian culture. With each trip back I fell more and more in love, and to this day even though it’s coming up to 5 years since I last set foot on those dusty red roads, I still feel pangs of longing for how things were when I was there. Life has changed immensely, but one thing that hasn’t is that a little piece of my heart is still lodged in that South American soil. Brazil was a place where I felt so much joy and contentment, and a small part of me feels like it is home.
Another fresh example is Wooster; a place I called home from January till June of this year. I thrived while being a Legacy student and integrated into the church family quickly. When the time came to say goodbye it felt almost unnatural to leave that home for another one. It’s nearly 6 months later and I honestly and vulnerably admit that nearly everyday I think of Wooster and struggle to not wish I could go back again. Not because my Kitchener home lacks anything, because it doesn’t. I still have many moments where I stop and am in awe at how blessed I am to be here. But still that thankfulness doesn’t lessen me missing the past or looking to the future. Tonight as my heart was being pulled once again by my different “homes”, God whispered to me, “I am your home.” His voice was warm and comforting, but I also sensed a twinge of sadness. Sadness because maybe, just maybe, I’ve been missing the point. The point that only He can bring contentment. No location on a map, no happy memory, can offer the peace I crave. No time of life in the past or future can fulfill me apart from Him. Because He needs to be my safe place where I find joy; He needs to be my home. So let’s make Him our home, friends. It’s so easy to plant ourselves onto earthly soil and invest in worldly causes, but His plans are much bigger and not limited to our small views and ideas. I think if we adopt this view of our Father we will be a lot more willing to go where He calls us, because we aren’t leaving our home, we’re actually following it. “Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.” –Ephesians 3:17
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